Three years on

As I continue on my grief and healing journey, I find myself in the final few days of our third year without Charlie. I always hated November as it tends to trigger seasonal affective disorder, but now I dread it as the painful lead up to December 1st.

Despite, or rather because of all this pain, I dedicated myself to working on me in 2024. It has been my year of finding ways to heal myself and my son James.

To heal myself, I began by changing my diet and exercising more. I have lost over 30 pounds without actually “dieting” but eating healthier, increasing my protein intake, and moving my butt. James joined me in these changes and he has also lost over 30 pounds.

Unfortunately, James’s story (and mine and his dad’s as a result) has been challenging in ways that few can even imagine. Difficult, not just because of missing Charlie but also because James has been suffering his own personal hell.

It is because of this that I have written so little this year. My spoons have been used up trying to keep my head above water. Between working to heal myself and get strong and supporting and advocating for James, I am maxed out.

Some day I will write more about James and the frustrating path we have been on with him. For now, I will leave it at this: We are a long way from being out of the proverbial woods. I failed to save one child and now I am on a quest to save the other one.

Please excuse my relative silence in the coming year and think of us on occasion.

Just for fun, James and I together with Bianca del Rio in early 2024. Thank goodness James shares my love of hilarious drag queens.