The Holmes and Rahe stress scale is fundamentally flawed

The number one life event on the Holmes and Rahe stress scale is the death of a spouse. It is “100” on the scale. Divorce is second at 73. Fifth on the scale is “death of a close family member”, a 63 on the scale. Well I have news for Holmes and Rahe. They obviously never experienced the death of a child because, believe you me, no life event comes close to the trauma and stress of losing your child. If losing a spouse is 100, losing a child is at least 100, if not higher. Let’s be conservative and add another 5 points for losing a child. What’s more, violent death is more stressful again. You can add another 20 to that. So losing a child to suicide or some other sudden, violent means, must be at least 125 on a scale of 100.

Do you know what else they left off the list? Living as a transgender individual. Begin to imagine, just for a moment, knowing that the vast majority don’t understand your reality and a significant portion of that majority don’t care to. In fact, they think you’re a head case, a creep, a freak, or just plain confused. Imagine that there are people on the internet telling you that you are a lie, a monster, that you would be better off dead. I wonder where Holmes and Rahe would deem that to sit on their stress list? I’m pretty sure it’s off the chart.

This is why, for all that I would do absolutely anything to get Charlie back, I get it. I can’t say for certain that I wouldn’t have done the same were I in her shoes, particularly knowing how kind and empathetic she was. And how crappy this life can be for a person like her. She was too good for this life.

It’s also why I will continue on my quest to find joy again and to work toward making Charlie’s wish for a kinder, more just world come to be.