There’s no going back

After the death of a beloved friend or family member, we hope that comfort will be found in memories. I myself have shared this thought with others on occasion. When my grandparents died, I was comforted by the memories of long lives lived to the fullest. Charlie’s death is nothing like that.

Charlie was 11 when she first attempted suicide. Her life from that age until 16 was an extreme rollercoaster ride. As a very close family, we rode that rollercoaster together. We witnessed more pain in those years than most do in a lifetime. Charlie turned from a happy go lucky little kid to a pre-teen who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. And then, one day she was gone.

In leaving us that way, she shattered our lives and left us with very little more than the memories of her pain. There is no comfort in that. I wish that I could find comfort in my memories of her. I wish that I could look at pictures of her and feel better. Instead, I have turned off the option for photo memories to pop up on my phone. I avoid Facebook for anything other than work, partly for the same reason, and I rarely look at photos of her. Even the happy memories from many years ago are tainted by all the sadness of the past and present. It all just hurts.

While memories provide no comfort, I have found three ways of coping. One is reading and watching tv. I have used this coping mechanism since I was young. Losing yourself helps. The second is sleeping. Again, a way of losing yourself, leaving reality behind. The third is building a new reality. Change, for me, is survival.

Grief changed us. Not only do memories hurt, we can never go back to what once was and who we once were. I feel like a shark. Moving forward and creating new is the only way to keep breathing.

That’s why I have decided to rebuild my marketing business into something new, with a new brand, new focus, and new energy. It’s literally what I need to do. I’m going to build a digital media advertising business with a difference. Stratadgy Digital Ad Agency harnesses the power of AI, combined with marketing expertise, to help others build their reach and profits. So watch this space! There is much more to come.